Officially or not, I am now Off the Radar

100 Reasons You're Still Single

I already discovered, patented, and trademarked no. 50 way back in July. See my profile.

But if I were to amend your list, I would add:

1a) You love body odor. Just not other people's.

1b) You love sex. Just not having it.

1c) You prefer insider trading to discussing really important gossip.

1d) You need approval (by appointment) from your parole/probation officer.

1e) too much face paint

1f) acting streetwise, when what you really are is all gay and shit

1g) sizing up the competition with a bunch of euphemisms and innuendos

1h) excessive and false remorse for Tupac

1i) inadvertently quoting any portion of the twelve steps

1j) Still using the sexy catchphrase "Friend of Mary"

1k) Still looking for a girl as hot as the little blond one in Poltergeist.

1l) Eau de Underwear.

1m) texting whilst dating

1n) using any of the following phrases: "my bad," "so sue me, motherfucker" or "I don't know who that is"

1o) dialing whilst texting

1p) Reminding yourself: What's so wrong with being single? Sylvia Plath did it!

1q) Would rather play Halo 3 than watch Death in Venice.

1r) Tennis Elbow too distracting

1s) Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from too much anyonymous sex

1t) Demanding several prenups drafted in the 1970's

1u) Ruling out anyone with or without headgear.

1v) Maintain that "sushi is for slaves!"

1w) require that your potential mate to have a GPS device surgically implanted.

1x) still living in the idealistic 80's

1y) refusal to accept smoking as a socially acceptable behaviour, except for infants and toddlers and workers in sweat-factories

1z) you're a MaxiMe: A very large Herve Villachez