My New Lesbian Haircut

Good Shylock that I am, I went to "Costcutters" and they still charged me ten bucks to shave my goddamned lesbian sideburns and leave me with a flop of long wavy Jewish brown hair on top of my oversized head. I immediately went home and bleached a prominent lock and dyed it bright blue, circa 1997. Not bad, considering everyone still calls me "mister."

In an alternate universe not too many light years away, I wouldn't need to shave my pits and pubes and legs or cut and dye my hair or wear a corset.

I would be Rizzo, stuck bored and childless and ageless at age 35 but still a teen forever and ever. That's who I aspire to be: a disgruntled butch dyke bitch with few hopes and fewer dreams. Except wet ones.

Thank you, Lizabeth Scott.