My Old Lesbian Haircut
It is true that I used to be a "lipstick" lesbian, by which I mean (Wikipedia definitionologists aside) most people assumed I was a heterosexual slut and barfly.
I am a slut, but no longer a barfly. My only heterosexual experience was with a runway model at JC Penney in the local mall. And even that probably doesn't count since I didn't so much lose my virginity as I did claim it.
He or She strutted His or Her Stuff down the catwalk to the drumbeat of the local high school badass band, and I was momentarily smitten, perhaps not by looks or fashion-gear so much as by the hefty amounts of talcum powdered coke that I had just inhaled (Yes, I inhaled), as well as the mushrooms that I had mistakenly assumed were somewhat kosher.
So smitten was I, that I decided that androgyny was not nearly as cool as having tattoos all over one's body. So my date and I went to an unlicensed Tijuana tattoo parlour and I had cupids and hearts and cherubs tattooed all over my breasts, back, thighs and ankles. I also got some piercings.
Everything had to be goth, and remains so to this day. I shall never forget that unforgettable experience, and I enjoy reliving it with every dose of marijuana that I take every sixteenth of every momentarily waking hour. If you do the math (I had to borrow a calculator) that comes out to 3,000 "hits" a day, not including weekends.
Cheers.
P.S. the haircut. I used to look like Angelina Jolie, if she were female.
I am a slut, but no longer a barfly. My only heterosexual experience was with a runway model at JC Penney in the local mall. And even that probably doesn't count since I didn't so much lose my virginity as I did claim it.
He or She strutted His or Her Stuff down the catwalk to the drumbeat of the local high school badass band, and I was momentarily smitten, perhaps not by looks or fashion-gear so much as by the hefty amounts of talcum powdered coke that I had just inhaled (Yes, I inhaled), as well as the mushrooms that I had mistakenly assumed were somewhat kosher.
So smitten was I, that I decided that androgyny was not nearly as cool as having tattoos all over one's body. So my date and I went to an unlicensed Tijuana tattoo parlour and I had cupids and hearts and cherubs tattooed all over my breasts, back, thighs and ankles. I also got some piercings.
Everything had to be goth, and remains so to this day. I shall never forget that unforgettable experience, and I enjoy reliving it with every dose of marijuana that I take every sixteenth of every momentarily waking hour. If you do the math (I had to borrow a calculator) that comes out to 3,000 "hits" a day, not including weekends.
Cheers.
P.S. the haircut. I used to look like Angelina Jolie, if she were female.
posted by Opal Mehta at 2:35 PM
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